Its Working

Talked with my daddy last night. It's hard for me to not be hard on my parents. They're supposed to be perfect! Lol. I'm not easy on myself but I feel like they should be the example and I forget they are just people trying to make their way in this world too.
I'm such a selfish person when it comes to my time. I do what I want and I don't usually want to plan time to just sit and talk with people. I feel like its a waste of time. (*gasp from the audience). I always thought it was far better to be Doing something to help people than just talking about it. This seems contradictive to my usual actions, right? Because I'm always talking. I manage somehow to run into at least one person I know wherever I go. I don't plan that. What I'm talking about now is setting aside time specifically for visiting with others. I like that to be happenstance. I visit as I do other things. In high school, I'd talk to people in the hallways or at drill or track practice, CAP, or church. I didn't go for the people, that just worked out that way. My socialization comes from my need to be involved doing something. This has caused me to lose a few friends along the way because they don't feel like I care enough for them when in fact I do. I think a lot about the people I care the most for but I don't necessarily spend more time with them. My dad especially. I don't always like talking to him on the phone simply because its hard to get off the phone with him but I know I can go to him for anything and I do love him. I'd go to him before almost anyone else(depends on what the situation is) if anything I'd go to him second.
Just so you know, if you are reading this thinking Robyn probably doesn't care about me because she never talks to me, the case is most likely the opposite. I probably do care about you a whole lot. I absolutely love my friends and even people that aren't my friends. I just stay busy enough to not be the one to contact them. If they message me, I'll get back to them when I can. I do want to hang out, I do miss you, I do care. I just have other things that I feel obligated to do until then.
I'm working on this aspect of me. I'm trying to be a person who makes time for friends and family and will go aside to just talk and see how things are.
I have my friend and roommate, Emily, to thank for pointing out how valuable that can be and how much of a difference it can make in my life as well as the lives of those around me.

Christmas Day.

I did a lot of thinking today. Haven't overthought like that in a while. Life really is what you make it. Today didn't really feel like Christmas. I haven't been in the Christmas spirit this year, not like I usually am. The weather wasn't feeling the Christmas cheer either. It rained.

This morning I realized how awful I can be. I wanted to stay in my room with my door locked and just listen to music all day. Maybe read a few books. Just not deal with people. Especially family. I blamed a lot of my problems on my dad. Terrible, I know. I'm so frustrated with him. I feel like its his fault that I'm dealing with some of the problems I have to face. Perhaps it is. But even so this man loves me more than anyone else in this whole world and would do anything for me. I know he will always be there for me and no matter what he believes in me. I like what he texted me today. We may not have the life we want, but we must live the life we have, otherwise we aren't living. He's been through a lot. A whole lot more than I have. I do love my daddy but it's so easy to get upset with him over the small things that bother me.

Norwich University

I've just completed my first semester of college. Almost all of my grades have been posted-all but calculus. I'm majoring in mathematics and minoring in social psychology so math shouldn't be a problem right? (haha, pun :D) It isn't usually a problem. Right now I'm facing the possibility of having a 3.59 or a 3.49 based on what I get in calc. If I made at least a 90 on the final exam, I will maintain my 90 for the course, an A-. If I scored below a 90, It will drop to a B+, bringing my total down to .01 away from the President's List. Either way I'll at least make Dean's list, but .01 away.. oh how annoying that would be.
God answered my prayers for good Christian friends and influences.
I'd like to take the time now to brag on Pastor Rake, Rev, and Joel. These three people have helped me stay focused on Christ in the hardest times. My faith has no doubt been tested, tried, and grown. I've fallen many different ways but I'm learning from my mistakes. Pastor Rake is a humble hardworking man with four daughters and a loving wife. At Norwich, I don't have very close friends. I don't trust anyone. Pastor Rake's youngest daughter, Angela, and I got along all too well. We would giggle and carry on like 3rd grade best friends. I was able to go to the Rake's house after services Sunday mornings and Mrs. Rake would cook a delicious lunch. This was one of the rare times rooks* like myself were able to kick back and relax. I got to do things like take naps and watch tv. Not allowed to do that on campus during rookdom**.
Reverend Wick is widely known all across Northfield, VT. He knows his greek and hebrew and His Bible, but most important, he knows his God. My God. My Savior. His Savior. Personally. He spreads God's word like none other. This man has a loving wife who bakes CBCs***. They are amazing! He also loves snow and skiing. He's one of the few people at Norwich who does not complain about the snow. Its uplifting to know I'm not crazy and that its okay to like things about Norwich even if it is college and cold. He encourages the college kids regularly. If someone asks him if hes got a minute he'll always say of course. The man's schedule is constantly packed but never turns a person in need down. He pushes paper not people.
Joel. Joel Heller. What to say about this person. A true Vermonter. He is also a mathematics major but minoring in education. God's called him to teach. This semester he will be doing an internship so he won't be at Norwich. This guy has been my closest friend besides God. He has a true love for the Lord that has greatly influenced me and constantly reminds me of who God is and what He's done. He comes from a wonderful and beautiful (he showed me a few pictures) Christian family that guides and encourages him. I asked him a lot of questions. He answered all of them and some of his answers took me by surprise. When I asked about Christian friends in college, he told me he hasn't really had any. Just the people back home and his family. We come from two different worlds, but I know God brought us together to serve Him. I've got a funny feeling I'll run into Joel again later on. He'll still be right smack in the middle of God's will.
Thank you to each of you. We face battles everyday. It helps to fight side by side and remind each other God's already won the war.

*Rooks-freshmen in the Corps of Cadets at Norwich Unversity
**Rookdom- the experience of being a rook equipped with many restrictions and a lot of pressure.
***CBCs-Chocolate butterscotch cookies