Mortal Love

By Benjamn Weigold

There once was an angel in Heaven. As all angels go, this angel was pure in spirit, knowledge, and beauty beyond all measures--even among the angels themselves. But this angel was troubled.
Looking down from its magnificent view, this angel saw the Earth. This angel felt something pound inside its pure being as it watched the inhabitants of this world, human kind.
The angel went to God and asked, "What am I feeling?"
God looked on the angel with compassion beyond this world, but did not answer. Instead, He pointed to the Gates of Heaven and made them open, beckoning for the angel to go.
The angel was confused, but did not deny the Almighty. Looking on at its fellow angels, the angel waved goodbye and passed through the gates.
Likewise, there was a demon from the depth bellow. This demon was powerful beyond hellish measure, second to only Satan himself. Even so, this demon was greatly troubled.
Above, in the world of the weak, the demon saw something that it did not understand--yet something pounded in its wicked spirit. Its eyes flashed.
The demon went to Satan and asked, "What am I feeling?"
Satan looked on with a face of contempt at the demon, but did not answer. Instead, Satan blew fire from his nostrils and spread his mighty black wings, pointing above.
The demon understood, and quickly set forth to obey its master, taking no heed of onlooker's stares. The demon ascended into the world above.
The angel descended to earth and took human form. The angel was not given a choice and so it became she. A woman of stunning beauty and intelligence. She looked up into heaven above and knew that she was being told her answer.
The woman looked on into the world with mortal eyes and saw all of its imperfections and beauty. She set forth to make a name for herself.
On the opposite side of the world, the demon ascended onto earth's surface taking a human form. He did not have a choice in the matter and it became a he. A man of amazing cunning and wit, but subtle in appearance, which is nature to all demons. He looked down to the pits of the earth and knew that he was being told his answer.
The man looked onto the world with mortal eyes and saw all of its pain and glory. He set forth to make a name for himself.
Ten years pass. The woman was struggling like every other mortal, trying to survive in a world where life is so fragile. But God was with her. She became a successful doctor in a place that knew no peace. She was admired by many, the cause being her amazing talents; but none envied her. She was a good woman.
She healed as many as she could with her God-given gifts. She took no extra money for herself other than to survive, giving the rest to the needy. But she still had troubles.
After several months of petitioning, she was finally able to schedule a meeting with an owner of a large corporation. This owner had the means to provide her and her staff with a desperately needed hospital. This owner was a very meticulous man and did not make profit waste. Yet, God was with the woman and the man eventually agreed not to see her, but to build the hospital.
Two days later the hospital was under fast construction, just in time for an oncoming disaster. She thanked God for His intercession, but He had withdrawn Himself from her. She was alone. She knew it must be a test. Yet she was still troubled.
Likewise, the man had become a very successful businessman. Those who worked with him adored him. He was powerful, he was feared. No one tried to usurp him; all followed his orders precisely. He was the definition of charisma. He was a cunning man.
He took his power and built an empire, giving only to those who submitted to his control. He was in no way a good man, he took more than he could ever use. Yet he was still troubled.
Many came to him for a good cause. For one single moment his mortal heart faltered, compassion filled his eyes. But Satan was with him and soon he decided to go against his good-intention promises. But war distracted him. This war excited him so much that he forgot about anything and everything. He thanked Satan for his intercessions, but for some reason Satan ignored him. He accepted this and focused onto the war.
Even so, the war could not distract him from his internal troubles.
One day among the hustle of multiple emergencies, the woman finally became overwhelmed. She extracted herself from all of her patients and her staff and went to a secluded spot on the roof of the hospital.
God had abandoned her, it seemed, and she could not handle the stress of the mortal life anymore. She sat on the roof with her face buried in her hands, crying with deep sadness.
She looked up into the sky and screamed, "What am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to know?" The screams echoed off the surrounding buildings, and soon were overcome by more sobs.
Without warning, a flash blinded the blue sky. Concussions soon followed. The roar of an explosion erupted the cityscape into a giant plume of smoke.
The woman uncovered her eyes and saw the carnage. Her angel driven beginnings took control and she rushed from the rooftop to go to the smoldering remains. Inside her being, she felt the throb grow stronger.
The man was in despair. He felt no direction anymore. He was surrounded by multitudes of human pain. He saw the missing limbs of children, the rows upon rows of dead bodies. He was responsible. They had the means for this destruction because of him.
The armored vehicle carrying him and his associates quickly became a prison. He shouted at the driver, the driver looked back in confusion and stopped. The man got out and inhaled deep breaths, smelling the salty air. Hands on his knees, the man coughed. He wretched like he never did before.
He was angry. His master had abandoned him. He twirled around and saw the mourning faces surrounding him. All of them staring. All of them mocking him. He ran away from that sight as fast as he could. Not heeding the wreckage of concrete and destruction tearing at his expensive suit.
He found a grassy hill separating two city blocks. He fell down to the ground, hands and knees. He yelled in anger, "What am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to know?" His cries went unheard. In a fury, he punched and kicked the ground. Collapsing finally onto his back, he looked up into the blue sky and closed his eyes.
An explosion tore through the skies. His frail body was flung next to a building. He watched with a mortal confusion, as the walls seemed to cover him up like a blanket. He blinked a few times and then slowly slipped into a black nothing. His being began to throb more so than it ever had.
She saw the man's legs trapped under a concrete slab. His body was hidden from view. Across the street she heard cries of pain, of life. Here she heard nothing, but she felt something.
The man woke up in a gray haze, dust particles floated in and out of the sunlight. He could not feel his body. He breathed slowly and looked around. He felt something inside his being beat faster. It felt like his heart was going into his throat. He did not panic. This was it.
As the woman stepped closer, she felt the throbbing inside grow stronger. Her eyes started to water. Her hands started to shake. This was His answer. She called in a soft voice, "Hello?"
The man's eyes widened. He heard a voice. A voice so pure, it was like listening to a gentle rain. A voice so powerful, it was like listening to a waterfall. He started to tremble, he started to cry. He answered, "I am here."
The woman heard the reply. Her body responded with an ache, an ache that pierced the center of her being. She heard that voice, the voice of need. She ran to the man, looking for a place to peer through the concrete slabs.
The man heard the rushing of soft footsteps. With every step, he became weakened and strengthened at the same time. He looked up into the sunlight passing down to him and waited.
Their eyes met. They finally found their answer.
A forsaken man finds a graced woman. A graced woman finds a forsaken man. This is the story of mortal love.

Questions for all your answers, lies for every truth, but you dont know

Since no one reads my blog anymore considering how seldom I actually get to post, I shall use my blog to gain personal understanding and for mere self benefit.
I dont know why, but lately I'm losing my sense of assurance on several things. No, not salvation, but everything else. It's a real strong reality check. I'm going to be 18 years old, a legal adult, in less than 5 months. yes. less than 5. and I will be a graduate of Brookland-Cayce High School in less than 6. As in no longer a high school student. Me. Robyn. Robyn Taylor. A college kid. right. that soon? But? How? It jsut doesn't seem real. honestly. how?!?!? I don't want to turn eighteen, i dont want to graduate high school. I dont want to leave home. But I don't wanna be trapped here for college either. I know its inevitable, growing up, but I still don't understand a lot. I like being prepared. Right now, I don't feel very prepared.
Something seemingly random, but constantly nagging my mind for the past hour or so: love.
Okay, so I'm not dating, not going to, and I'm fine with that. I'm happy with that.
But I'm learning that a little bit of emotion is okay? I don't want to lust or anything bad, but what about crushes? I hate seeing girls drool over guys pointlessly. I hate seeing spit run down anyones face for any reason, pointless or not.. Anyway, I don't like the love-goggles that fog up one's vision in a time of vulnerability. Not in high school especially. I used to be all gaga. But I've upped my standards and I've changed, right? Right? Then why is it that silly little crushes still affect me? Why am I not immune to this hormonal craving?
Honestly, yes, I do want prince charming. But I know how rare he is. There's only one for me. I don't know who he is. Or if there is one at all but there is certainly not more than one. So its one or nothing. and im content either way. Each has its pluses and downers. the good, the bad, the ugly. but even so. I feel as though I am required to choose. and at such a young age.. its, overwhelming to say the least. More options than is realized but thats not even the point. Even if Mr. Right walked up to my door and knocked right now, (pauses to listen for footsteps on the porch) which he isnt doing, i couldnt give you a for sure answer as to whether or not i would wait to claim us an item. which is way different from what I've convinced myself. I'm waiting for even giving my thoughts adn time and money and everything to 'the one'. Or so I would like to think. I'm actually wasting a lot of time thinking bout boys. way too much time. but i had it under control. I was doin great. For a long time. But now? whats wrong? did they tap into my brain and figure out some weakness I have yet to discover? All will be revealed in time, but for now, I shall continue to puzzle at this. Why am I suddenly questioning everything I've been taught and have come to stand for and accept?

Wonder How?

I'm always busy. Sometimes I stop and wonder how it all gets done.
My schedule can often become insane but somehow its always worked out.
The power of prayer.
Stay in His will and He will direct your paths.
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

The same goes if you delight in self or in sin. it too can give you desires.

It comes down to doing the right thing.

Will you turn to self or Christ?
I've had to ask myself that question a lot.
Most of the time I answer correctly, but unfortunately, in my lesser moments I have for whatever reason, trusted in my own ignorant self more than the all knowing one.
When all is said and done, I look back on everything and I know thats exactly where I went wrong.

Late one night..

God,
you're my strength, my comfort, my rock.
I keep my heart closed while you stand and knock.
The time passes 'til I see your face.
The judgement will come.
Time cannot erase
the mistakes I have made
and the games that I played,
wastin' away,
everyday.
My soul you came to save.
But I just turn away.
I don't want to see
your soveriegnty,
your majesty,
your glory.
It's not for me.
I tell myself inside but I know I cannot hide
from your will and your way,
For your way is perfect
and I know it
but my way seems easy
and your way seems cheesy.
And God, I don't think you're right all the time.
I'll just do what I want and live the good life without you.
Yeah, I know its not true,
but it paints a pretty picture in my mind.
One I want to live for.
Even though it was me you died for.
You died and were raised to save me,
yet how do I repay thee?
I talk like I'm this and act like I'm that.
My life is but a vapor.
It's fading fast. It won't last
but for a moment
and then I'll be gone.
This life won't matter,
these clothes, this hair, it won't matter there.
It's not about being liked, it's about being light.
Being your light for those who are hurting,
for those who are searching.
Shape me and mold me, God.
Take me and hold me.
Make me your creation.
Turn me into who you want me to be.
Let me stand out boldy.
Let me come before your throne, even if I'm alone.
I give you praise all of my days.
Let me serve you an worship you.
God, after all that I've done, you still love me.
That just amazes me.

Current Stati

I've been extremely busy with my senior year and everything that comes with it. You would not believe how much paper work and online forms must be filled out when applying to the Air Force Academy. The instruction manual for just the basic application is 41 pages! So I've got my hands full with that and JROTCs big inspection that comes once every four years. I'm the battalion commander, the top person in the entire Brookland Cayce High School JROTC unit. I'm working on maintaining all A's this year. Currently I have a 103 in Calculus Honors. In September, I auditioned for Gifted and Talented voice lessons with Tom Brunson and although I did not obtain one of the three openings, I am an alternate. Second best was never my favorite spot to be in but I suppose it's better than nothing. I'm preparing to audition for All State Chorus in November. College applications are not something I've been looking forward to but they must be completed. I'm also studying for my next promotion in Civil Air Patrol. I can promote twice as fast as others because of my JROTC experience. Hopefully I will be going to McEntire Air Base on friday to fly in a C130. Then on Saturday I'll be competing at Swansea High School. It will be the first drill meet of my senior year that I will be able to attend. BC's Drill Team took home first place overall at the competition in September and I'm looking forward to us doing that again. Afterwards, I'll come home, change, and head off to work at Williams-Brice Stadium attempting to sell cotton candy on a pole for 15% profit. If they run out of cotton candy, I'll carry around snow cones and hope I'm fortunate enough to sell them before they become koolaid. Sunday morning I'll get up early and run for twenty minutes, just like every day, shower, and get ready for church. Everyday I'm practicing speaking. I'm supposed to be less meek. I need to speak up for myself; something I'm not particularly good at. Practice makes perfect. I can do this. I will do this. I will excel beyond anyone's imagination. I want this bad enough to train and prepare as much and as hard as I have to.