Questions for all your answers, lies for every truth, but you dont know

Since no one reads my blog anymore considering how seldom I actually get to post, I shall use my blog to gain personal understanding and for mere self benefit.
I dont know why, but lately I'm losing my sense of assurance on several things. No, not salvation, but everything else. It's a real strong reality check. I'm going to be 18 years old, a legal adult, in less than 5 months. yes. less than 5. and I will be a graduate of Brookland-Cayce High School in less than 6. As in no longer a high school student. Me. Robyn. Robyn Taylor. A college kid. right. that soon? But? How? It jsut doesn't seem real. honestly. how?!?!? I don't want to turn eighteen, i dont want to graduate high school. I dont want to leave home. But I don't wanna be trapped here for college either. I know its inevitable, growing up, but I still don't understand a lot. I like being prepared. Right now, I don't feel very prepared.
Something seemingly random, but constantly nagging my mind for the past hour or so: love.
Okay, so I'm not dating, not going to, and I'm fine with that. I'm happy with that.
But I'm learning that a little bit of emotion is okay? I don't want to lust or anything bad, but what about crushes? I hate seeing girls drool over guys pointlessly. I hate seeing spit run down anyones face for any reason, pointless or not.. Anyway, I don't like the love-goggles that fog up one's vision in a time of vulnerability. Not in high school especially. I used to be all gaga. But I've upped my standards and I've changed, right? Right? Then why is it that silly little crushes still affect me? Why am I not immune to this hormonal craving?
Honestly, yes, I do want prince charming. But I know how rare he is. There's only one for me. I don't know who he is. Or if there is one at all but there is certainly not more than one. So its one or nothing. and im content either way. Each has its pluses and downers. the good, the bad, the ugly. but even so. I feel as though I am required to choose. and at such a young age.. its, overwhelming to say the least. More options than is realized but thats not even the point. Even if Mr. Right walked up to my door and knocked right now, (pauses to listen for footsteps on the porch) which he isnt doing, i couldnt give you a for sure answer as to whether or not i would wait to claim us an item. which is way different from what I've convinced myself. I'm waiting for even giving my thoughts adn time and money and everything to 'the one'. Or so I would like to think. I'm actually wasting a lot of time thinking bout boys. way too much time. but i had it under control. I was doin great. For a long time. But now? whats wrong? did they tap into my brain and figure out some weakness I have yet to discover? All will be revealed in time, but for now, I shall continue to puzzle at this. Why am I suddenly questioning everything I've been taught and have come to stand for and accept?