Live to Ride, Ride to Live

I love how you can go around waiting hand and foot on your girlfriend. Oh how much you care about her. Just peachy. I'm gonna be gone soon. I won't be seeing you for a while. I love you so much, but you just want to ignore me. I figured I would help you out. Instead of pretending I'm not there, how about I just go ahead and leave? That would make it easier for everyone. I don't mind her, but I don't like her. I want to spend time with you. I want you to want to spend time with me. You say you love me and that I'm number one in your life because I'm your little girl, but then I hear your Harley start up and I know the truth. Even if you don't. I yell at you, I get mad at you. Have you ever stopped and thought of why? Why am I so upset? Perhaps I'm hurting. Deep down inside. You make time for what you love most and you certainly don't complain about it. You spring at the chance to please her. You do things you know you shouldn't. But you want to be around her. You gripe and complain about how much gas costs when I say I need a ride to this event or that. But then when you see a biker pin or patch online that says Harley Davidson, no complaints are heard out of your mouth. Do you feel regretful at all inside for spending over a hundred dollars on that new seat for your ride? Certainly not. For it would have cost you over two hundred more otherwise. And yet, when I inform you of pricey senior portraits, you cringe at the twenty dollar sitting cost. I understand you aren't made of money. I know things are tight right now. More so than usual. I know interests are high and you have taxes and bills and so many other money-eating transactions. I know that workmen's compensation doesn't pay all that great. I just figure if you can afford the little luxuries for your bike and your girl, then why is it that I can't afford the $25 for Civil Air Patrol, or the $10 for a school chorus shirt, or a yearbook from my senior year in high school. Not to mention my cap and gown that are REQUIRED for me to walk at the graduation ceremony. 100 bucks. Not including invites. Oh, wait, I don't believe I'll be getting those. And prom? Hmm, we'll see. That should be interesting. We've both gone through all kinds of stuff in life. Granted, your life has been much longer than mine and from a very different point of view. But even so, our lives now are together and I feel that we should be working together to get through the hardships, not tearing each other down. I don't want to hurt you, and I know you certainly don't want to hurt me, but with the way things have gone, I think its best if I just stayed away for the rest of summer. People see me as a good teenager, but you know how I really am. I long for your approval. Your praise is lacking in the area of enthusiasm. I've worked so hard at different things. I get awards that took so much time and effort. But you're not there when I recieve them. And if you are, it doesn't mean near as much to you. You'd rather be riding. You'd rather be playing you're guitar. Yet there you are in the audience. Physically. But your mind is elsewhere, your heart is elsewhere, your future is elsewhere. I honestly do not believe that we can ever be together cooperatively. For when it is just me and you in one house hold, you are depressed and longing for more. When you have that longing fulfilled such as now while we live with your girlfriend, you are a much happier person, but you arent around me. My options have been proven to be 1)have you around, but dreary or 2)have you happy and enjoying life, but distant. Neither of which do I wish for. You say you want me to be happy. I want you to want to spend time with me. Unfortunately, that is just not possible. Maybe one day I can come to realize and accept that. Until then, I will probably continue to be upset and disappointed.