This is my life.

Sam sings, Sam sang, Samsung

2012-01-11T19:02:00.001-05:00

So.... Its been quite a while.
I've gotten a few new toys that I absolutely love. Samsung's Droid products have provided me everything I need, want, and more. My MP3 player, a galaxy 5 has a 5 inch screen, making the famous iTouch seem puny in comparison.
I recently upgraded my AT&T cell phone to a "smartphone". I despise all these excuses companies are coming up with now to charge their customers fees.. Anyway, with some saved up Christmas money, I was able to purchase a Samsung galaxy s2. not really what I wanted but it sync's with the new mp3 player.
These are neat little contraptions and at the very least they have provided me some amusement.
Perhaps you have or will have one of these in your possession. At any rate, enjoy your modern technology-while its still modern.w

Lost and Found

2010-03-15T15:23:00.002-04:00

Frustration
boiling over
devastation overwhelming my thoughts.
carelessness of my own fault
how stupid can i be?
how ignorant and naive?
trust is all i need.
the fear is pullin pullin me down
deeper and deeper
i need a keeper
a keeper of my soul.
these things wont last forever
to these things i must hold
i must cling to them never let them go
its a symbol of our strength
meaning to our lives
something that we fight for
something that we strive
to continue to pass on

Its Working

2009-12-28T18:44:00.002-05:00

Talked with my daddy last night. It's hard for me to not be hard on my parents. They're supposed to be perfect! Lol. I'm not easy on myself but I feel like they should be the example and I forget they are just people trying to make their way in this world too.
I'm such a selfish person when it comes to my time. I do what I want and I don't usually want to plan time to just sit and talk with people. I feel like its a waste of time. (*gasp from the audience). I always thought it was far better to be Doing something to help people than just talking about it. This seems contradictive to my usual actions, right? Because I'm always talking. I manage somehow to run into at least one person I know wherever I go. I don't plan that. What I'm talking about now is setting aside time specifically for visiting with others. I like that to be happenstance. I visit as I do other things. In high school, I'd talk to people in the hallways or at drill or track practice, CAP, or church. I didn't go for the people, that just worked out that way. My socialization comes from my need to be involved doing something. This has caused me to lose a few friends along the way because they don't feel like I care enough for them when in fact I do. I think a lot about the people I care the most for but I don't necessarily spend more time with them. My dad especially. I don't always like talking to him on the phone simply because its hard to get off the phone with him but I know I can go to him for anything and I do love him. I'd go to him before almost anyone else(depends on what the situation is) if anything I'd go to him second.
Just so you know, if you are reading this thinking Robyn probably doesn't care about me because she never talks to me, the case is most likely the opposite. I probably do care about you a whole lot. I absolutely love my friends and even people that aren't my friends. I just stay busy enough to not be the one to contact them. If they message me, I'll get back to them when I can. I do want to hang out, I do miss you, I do care. I just have other things that I feel obligated to do until then.
I'm working on this aspect of me. I'm trying to be a person who makes time for friends and family and will go aside to just talk and see how things are.
I have my friend and roommate, Emily, to thank for pointing out how valuable that can be and how much of a difference it can make in my life as well as the lives of those around me.

Christmas Day.

2009-12-26T01:21:00.005-05:00

I did a lot of thinking today. Haven't overthought like that in a while. Life really is what you make it. Today didn't really feel like Christmas. I haven't been in the Christmas spirit this year, not like I usually am. The weather wasn't feeling the Christmas cheer either. It rained.

This morning I realized how awful I can be. I wanted to stay in my room with my door locked and just listen to music all day. Maybe read a few books. Just not deal with people. Especially family. I blamed a lot of my problems on my dad. Terrible, I know. I'm so frustrated with him. I feel like its his fault that I'm dealing with some of the problems I have to face. Perhaps it is. But even so this man loves me more than anyone else in this whole world and would do anything for me. I know he will always be there for me and no matter what he believes in me. I like what he texted me today. We may not have the life we want, but we must live the life we have, otherwise we aren't living. He's been through a lot. A whole lot more than I have. I do love my daddy but it's so easy to get upset with him over the small things that bother me.

Norwich University

2009-12-23T17:09:00.003-05:00

I've just completed my first semester of college. Almost all of my grades have been posted-all but calculus. I'm majoring in mathematics and minoring in social psychology so math shouldn't be a problem right? (haha, pun :D) It isn't usually a problem. Right now I'm facing the possibility of having a 3.59 or a 3.49 based on what I get in calc. If I made at least a 90 on the final exam, I will maintain my 90 for the course, an A-. If I scored below a 90, It will drop to a B+, bringing my total down to .01 away from the President's List. Either way I'll at least make Dean's list, but .01 away.. oh how annoying that would be.
God answered my prayers for good Christian friends and influences.
I'd like to take the time now to brag on Pastor Rake, Rev, and Joel. These three people have helped me stay focused on Christ in the hardest times. My faith has no doubt been tested, tried, and grown. I've fallen many different ways but I'm learning from my mistakes. Pastor Rake is a humble hardworking man with four daughters and a loving wife. At Norwich, I don't have very close friends. I don't trust anyone. Pastor Rake's youngest daughter, Angela, and I got along all too well. We would giggle and carry on like 3rd grade best friends. I was able to go to the Rake's house after services Sunday mornings and Mrs. Rake would cook a delicious lunch. This was one of the rare times rooks* like myself were able to kick back and relax. I got to do things like take naps and watch tv. Not allowed to do that on campus during rookdom**.
Reverend Wick is widely known all across Northfield, VT. He knows his greek and hebrew and His Bible, but most important, he knows his God. My God. My Savior. His Savior. Personally. He spreads God's word like none other. This man has a loving wife who bakes CBCs***. They are amazing! He also loves snow and skiing. He's one of the few people at Norwich who does not complain about the snow. Its uplifting to know I'm not crazy and that its okay to like things about Norwich even if it is college and cold. He encourages the college kids regularly. If someone asks him if hes got a minute he'll always say of course. The man's schedule is constantly packed but never turns a person in need down. He pushes paper not people.
Joel. Joel Heller. What to say about this person. A true Vermonter. He is also a mathematics major but minoring in education. God's called him to teach. This semester he will be doing an internship so he won't be at Norwich. This guy has been my closest friend besides God. He has a true love for the Lord that has greatly influenced me and constantly reminds me of who God is and what He's done. He comes from a wonderful and beautiful (he showed me a few pictures) Christian family that guides and encourages him. I asked him a lot of questions. He answered all of them and some of his answers took me by surprise. When I asked about Christian friends in college, he told me he hasn't really had any. Just the people back home and his family. We come from two different worlds, but I know God brought us together to serve Him. I've got a funny feeling I'll run into Joel again later on. He'll still be right smack in the middle of God's will.
Thank you to each of you. We face battles everyday. It helps to fight side by side and remind each other God's already won the war.

*Rooks-freshmen in the Corps of Cadets at Norwich Unversity
**Rookdom- the experience of being a rook equipped with many restrictions and a lot of pressure.
***CBCs-Chocolate butterscotch cookies

Whirlwind of Emotion.

2009-10-11T22:31:00.004-04:00

The Norwich experience so far has been a whirlwind of emotion tied with physical activity and academics. I've made friends and made plenty of people angry in such a short period of time. I absolutely love it here but in spite of that everyone has at least thought about leaving. I feel torn, not about Norwich but home, about my home back in South Carolina. Norwich University is truly becoming a home to me. Where does that leave Cayce? Coming to Norwich was a big step but what I didn't realize when I took that step was how much harder it is to remain loyal to your hometown. I'm torn because I miss it and I don't miss it. I miss my church family. I miss taking care of the kids. I miss Mrs. Partlow and her family. I miss my lamp and sheet set and string of Christmas lights that were kept in my window for a record amount of time.

Lessons Learned at Norwich

2009-07-24T11:46:00.003-04:00

You are beautiful even without boys telling you that.
Spending time with people is important.
It really is better to be five minutes early.
One of the hardest things to do is to tell your superior he or she is wrong.
Sometimes its okay to spend money on yourself.
If you run 3 miles and eat a brownie later on that same day, it was worth it.
If you don't run 3 miles but do eat a brownie, it was worth it. ;)
Ice cream just isn't as good when its in the single digit degrees outside.
Snow sparkles! (glistens)
If you study before and during exam week, you will still be nervous before the exam, but when you take it, its a peace of cake.

To be updated as the year progresses

Understanding Thought Process

2009-07-17T20:38:00.003-04:00

One of the key ingredients of friendship is choice. Its amazing how much control we have in life. The power of perception can build up or tear down relationships. Interpersonal skills seem to be my most difficult issue to address. I try to break things down to the motives and the only true motive I will ever know is my own. I have focused a lot on my Intrapersonal relationships. I like knowing how to work with people. Unfortunately, I often find myself tied up on my words creating difficult situations when I attempt communicating with others. Also, my brain goes way ahead of me. Often I'm told that I think too much. I do. This creates unneccessary worry in my life. My thoughts interupt themselves and my brain goes into overdrive during conversations. I'm thinking about the conversation itself, the person who is speaking with me, anything pertaining to that person and anything outside the conversation that relates to a specific phrase spoken by the other person. Even a mere word can send me off thinking about something that if blurted would seem completely random. Whats worse is how quickly it then jumps from one thing to another. Apparently like I have done in this blog post. Perfect example.

Six Feet Underground

2009-05-10T16:52:00.001-04:00

Sometimes id rather be lookin up than down
At this grass beneath my feet

Those words eat
Like maggots crawling and devouring every inch
Digging deeper into the soul

Its not long til its gone
The first sting is all that lasts

Build a wall
You’ll feel safe
In your hate
In your pain

It cant be won
This monstrosity of a game
Its tortuous
Its life

Corroded minds feast on hurting others
But its ok
You tell yourself its ok
Bleeding on the inside
Past the physical
Straight through the mental
Into the emotions
Into the feeling

Tear up
Stand up
Walk right on out
There’s no reason to stay
Except to give way
To more bitter pain
More foolish games

Bittersweet

2009-04-04T18:15:00.004-04:00

Brookland-Cayce High School Senior Prom
April 3rd, 2009
South Carolina State Museum
The night consisted of so many surprises and strange events. It was without a doubt one of the most memorable nights of my life. The two most memorable things made it bittersweet: a new friend saw me for everything I never want to be and an old friend really saw me for who I truly am. I lost a friend last night. Not that they died, its more like I'm dead to them. They had recently behaved strangely out of anger and resentment. I hurt them. I don't know how. I don't know what I did but whatever it was cut deep.

2009-04-03T15:19:00.002-04:00

With only two months until graduation, time is fleeting fast. I don't know where its gone. Regardless of where and how, it just has. At 7 p.m. I will be at California Dreamin, a fancyish restaurant, with my friends. Dolled up and ready to go to prom, we will sit and reminisce and dream about ahead.

The Truth About Facebook

2009-04-02T12:51:00.001-04:00

I just read this article about facebook.com. Whether or not you have an account, with as many people signed onto this site, you may want to check this out. I thought it to be both interesting and eye-opening.

Facebook Article

2009-04-01T13:38:00.002-04:00

Today is April Fool's day and I have yet to be fooled or to fool anyone else. Last year I devised several plans to really nail people but unfortunately, I have forgotten most of them. The ones I remember either aren't worth the trouble or seem uninteresting now. So far it's been quite dull really.

Although, I am running for prom queen.

And the college is not...

2009-03-31T12:28:00.002-04:00

After spending hours over several stacks of paper, I finally know my admission status at all of the schools I applied to. The first four I heard back from were all acceptance letters. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical Engineering University, Pensacola Christian College, Bob Jones University, and Norwich University.

My application to the University of South Carolina was cancelled. Yes, cancelled. The letter I received stated that my application was not completed before the deadline and was thus cancelled. However, I did have all of my stuff in ahead of time. There was some error on their part because the week before the deadline, I checked my application status on the web and it was complete. Now that they have reviewed everyones applications, even if I get everything straightened out, the earliest I could start at USC is 2010.

Duke University had almost 24,000 applicants this year. Did you see that number?? 24 Thousand! That's a lot. With only a 6% admissions rate (less than the service academies), students who would have without a doubt made it into Duke last year or the year before didn't get in this year. Students like me.

The one we've all been waiting for, the school I know without a doubt is where I am supposed to go, the college that is best suited for me, The United States Air Force Academy. I obtained a nomination from Joe Wilson, Jim DeMint, Lindsay Graham, and my schools JROTC Senior Army Instructor. Sunday afternoon, soon after I arrived home from the SC FCA State Retreat in Garden City, I opened a letter from the Air Force. Sitting in an '07 orange Honda Accord, I read aloud the words "We regret". Silently I finished reading the sentence in my head. I didn't get in. I didn't make it. And after everything I had done to prepare for it, as much as I wanted it, as much as I had put into it, my first thought was "Well, now I don't have to retake the physical fitness test tomorrow." Just like that.

So as far as next year goes, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I'm thinking maybe attending Norwich for a year and then reapplying to the academy. Norwich is a military college up north in Vermont. It costs almost $30,000 a year but I was offered a full AFROTC scholarship. Only one person can get that at each school with AFROTC and they chose me. I was supposed to sign and send back a letter that was mailed to me soon after hearing I had been chosen to let them know if I would accept the offer. I remembered this on March 23 after receiving a voice mail from the AFROTC commander up at Norwich. I went to my room to retrieve the letter and to my horror read in bold print "Must be returned no later than March 19, 2009." So I mailed it the next day anyway. I'm still waiting to hear back about it. Without that, I do have about $20,000 paid for in private scholarships at the school. But then I still have almost $10,000 owed.

Embry-Riddle sent me a statement informing me that I qualify for the highest amount of Government funding. Including loans (which I do not intend on getting) I would receive no more than $7,000 for an education costing nearly $40,000 a year. Not very promising.

I have yet to figure out exactly what I'm going to be doing with my life or even merely just the next 365 days of it.

Air Force Academy Question #3

2009-03-01T23:13:00.004-05:00

3. Describe a setback or an ethical dilemma you faced and how you overcame it. What was the outcome? If another situation like it comes up in the future, how would you face it? (400-500 words 3,000 characters max)
A major setback in life for me has been my living situation. According to statistics, the kids whose parents are married and live together, have the greatest income, and the highest education are the ones who are most likely to score high on standardized testing and have the best grades. In general these are the people who finish college and become "successful" according to society. I come from a home that is neither wealthy nor well educated. Neither parent graduated from high school and my parents were never married, nor do they live together now. The chaos of my home was something that many individuals would shake their head at and take pity on me. I have no use for their pity or head shaking. I only have use for their wisdom and advice. Where can I go from here? How can I become successful? First I had to define what success meant to me, which required setting goals and aspirations. Along with goals, I defined morals for myself. Doing this set me apart from most teenagers. It made me have higher standards for myself and brought me to a realization that I and I alone am responsible for my own actions. I am accountable for everything I do or fail to do. Once I layed out my personal goals, both long term and short term, I began to develop ways to achieve them. For short term goals such as being on the honor roll, graduating from high school, and becoming the battalion commander of JROTC, the answer to my main question of “How do I reach this goal?” was simple: work hard. For my long term goals of going to college, obtaining a bachelor’s degree, and becoming a better person all around, the answer to my question must be expanded upon. There was no doubt that hard work is key. It is a very important factor in any aspect of life. However, there is so much more to be looked at when it comes to making decisions in the long run, such as which college to attend. I did a lot of research and gained information about options for my future. I looked on the internet, read books, and talked to people with experience; those who have already achieved the goals I am working toward. I plan on continuing to seek out wisdom and gain understanding for all of my upcoming decisions. I will be the best at whatever I do because I have made that decision and put the words to action. My life will not be one of pity but one of accomplishment, of success.

Air Force Academy Essay Question #2

2009-03-01T20:55:00.001-05:00

2. Which aspect of the Air Force Academy experience (academic, military training, athletic, social/spiritual) do you anticipate will be most challenging for you? Discuss why and how you expect to succeed in that area. (250 to 300 words, 3000 characters max) You must answer either this question or question 1 (above).
The one aspect of the Air Force Academy experience that will be the most difficult for me is athletics. I have never been a natural athlete, nor will I ever be. It is something that everyone must work at but my challenge is greater still than others. My history of physical activities includes one year of soccer, three years of tennis, a year of golf, five years of softball, and five years of dance over the course of my life. Although I have stayed active in many organizations throughout my middle and high school careers, I have participated in very few sports during that period of time. All four years of high school, I have been on the JROTC Drill Team. The experience was vital for my personal growth because I learned several skills like teamwork, drill, and leadership which helped me excel in the JROTC program. Unfortunately, the practices were scheduled for the same time as sports teams and since the drill team competed during both the fall and spring semesters, it was not possible for me to participate in both. Also, physical fitness had not been an important part of my life until my freshman year when I was introduced to PT in ROTC. Just this year, I started a personal workout and joined the track team. This was possible because the drill team has been scheduled for only one competition during track season. I am seeking guidance from individuals in the military through my church, civil air patrol, and JROTC to gain a better understanding of how I can improve my physical fitness. By continuing my personal workout, track, and the help of others knowledge, I know that I will succeed in the athletic aspect at the United States Air Force Academy.

Why be single?

2009-02-11T22:52:00.002-05:00

1. You aren't staying up waiting on that phone call from your "significant other".
2. You aren't limited to one person(kind of joking here.)
3. You learn who you are without someone else deciding or influencing you.
4. You have more free time.
5. You see your friends more (goes along with #4)
6. You have more money.
7. You realize how dumb some people look when they're with their "sweetheart".
8. You don't have to remember as many "important" dates.
9. You don't have to buy presents(goes with #6).
10. You can't get let down on Valentines Day.

The Little Girl

2009-02-10T22:28:00.002-05:00

I think I used to hide it on purpose, or maybe I just pushed it away somehow in my quick maturing, whether I decided to mature fast or was forced to or both. For whatever reason i grew up quickly and kinda shoved it to the side.
A friend's dad put it this way.
Ever since he's known me he's known this young woman who is very grown up for her age and much more intelligent or intellectual than your average teenage girl. She's always staying busy, always doing her best and even raising the standards. Putting forth more effort and pushing the limits

but somewhere inside of her is a little girl

and shes hurting. She wants to have fun. She wants to just be a little girl for whatever reason, she didnt get to be, not like she wanted.She's a part of me. I cant just forget about it or get rid of it. Its just another part of who I am and when I push that side of me away for too long i get unhappy with who I am, with who I've become because that's my sensitive side. But sometimes I feel like I'm too emotional, weak, and its my fault. And I believe that I let myself get that way so I just want to remove that sensitivity from my being. So I end up confused. I don't like feeling weak and helpless as a little girl. I want to be independent. Or so I think. But then I realize how little I really am and how dangerous it can be if I lost that little girl side of me, how heartless I can become if I ignore her.

Fatal Adoration, a story of something unavoidable.

2008-12-27T22:56:00.005-05:00

She was smart, but humble. Sweet and innocent. And yet, she could conquer the world. Whether or not she was aware of this remains a mystery, but she certainly wanted to rid it from all evil.
He was both handsome and powerful, but secretly gentle. He was not completely harmless, but he did not want to hurt others.

Untitled For Now

2008-12-21T00:13:00.000-05:00

The addiction creeps in, acting like an old friend. It lies to you and tells you what you want to hear. Its a parasite, feeding off your emotions, your thoughts and anything else you let it have. Inhale and it inhales with you. Run and its right there beside you. Turn away from it and it still stares you down, its eyes a reflection of yours, making you believe its a part of you. It says your in control and entices you with pleasure. You know from experience that this isn't true. You must fight. Stand for what you know and what you really want. Stop letting this control you. Let it know that you control yourself. If change is what you truly want, change is what you will get. Don't quit. Don't give up. There is hope. A dumb four-letter word that is overused. But its powerful. More so than the addiction itself. Don't let it change you. Change it. Define your place. Give yourself a name. You've stood up now its time to walk away. Get away. Escape. You can.

Mortal Love (Continued)

2008-12-15T12:52:00.001-05:00

By Robyn Taylor

He picks himself up and dusts himself off. They embrace and he feels as though this is where he belongs. As days go by, they spend time together and draw closer to one another. Eventually, the woman figures out why he is so different from the other humans. She discovers his secret. Although the woman had never dealt with a demon before, she had been taught how to defeat them in battle. The man had known the woman was glorious, but he never thought that she may be working for his previous master's enemy. The woman remained cautious and although the demon had abandoned his old ways, she only saw his past. She thought God was not paying attention to her anymore. How else would she be able to interact with a demon? The woman decided to take matters into her own hands. She would dispose of him. It was sad that he would have to go, but she couldn't let a demon dwell with mortals. Cursing God's name for abandoning her, she attacked the man. She went after him with everything she had, all the while he just took it. He didn't hit her back. He didn't get angry. He was paralyzed with sadness. Sadness and hurt. The pain he felt stinging on his skin was nothing compared to the pain he felt somewhere deep inside of him. The man had found what he was looking for, but now it was only bringing him hurt. The attacks kept coming until he lay, barely conscious, on the ground. The woman couldn't bear to finish him off. She knew she had done wrong by attacking him, but since God wasn't with her anymore, why would it matter? The only problem was that God was paying attention to her. He was there the whole time. The man knew it. When God saw what had happened to the man, He healed him. He provided for him. He lead him to a small town not too far away. There the man planned to start his life over. The man worked hard. He went to school. He helped out in the community. One day when he was out for an afternoon walk, he passed by an individual he had never seen before. She was carrying so much that it looked like she was about to collapse under the weight. He wasn't about to try to figure out how she managed to balance it all. As she shuffled along clumsily, he decided to give some assistance. "Ma'am, let me help you with some of that." She said "It's alright, I can handle.." He could only figure that she tripped over her own feet, for there was nothing on the ground in her path. Her belongings toppled down around her leaving all but her pride unscathed. He helped her to her feet. As she attempted to re stack everything, he reached over to pick up a few items. She was ashamed and hid her face from him, moving quicker than before. He kindly introduced himself. She replied with a muffled "Hi." She drew up enough courage to set the luggage down and face the kind stranger. "My name is Robyn."

Mortal Love

2008-12-15T12:47:00.001-05:00

By Benjamn Weigold

There once was an angel in Heaven. As all angels go, this angel was pure in spirit, knowledge, and beauty beyond all measures--even among the angels themselves. But this angel was troubled.
Looking down from its magnificent view, this angel saw the Earth. This angel felt something pound inside its pure being as it watched the inhabitants of this world, human kind.
The angel went to God and asked, "What am I feeling?"
God looked on the angel with compassion beyond this world, but did not answer. Instead, He pointed to the Gates of Heaven and made them open, beckoning for the angel to go.
The angel was confused, but did not deny the Almighty. Looking on at its fellow angels, the angel waved goodbye and passed through the gates.
Likewise, there was a demon from the depth bellow. This demon was powerful beyond hellish measure, second to only Satan himself. Even so, this demon was greatly troubled.
Above, in the world of the weak, the demon saw something that it did not understand--yet something pounded in its wicked spirit. Its eyes flashed.
The demon went to Satan and asked, "What am I feeling?"
Satan looked on with a face of contempt at the demon, but did not answer. Instead, Satan blew fire from his nostrils and spread his mighty black wings, pointing above.
The demon understood, and quickly set forth to obey its master, taking no heed of onlooker's stares. The demon ascended into the world above.
The angel descended to earth and took human form. The angel was not given a choice and so it became she. A woman of stunning beauty and intelligence. She looked up into heaven above and knew that she was being told her answer.
The woman looked on into the world with mortal eyes and saw all of its imperfections and beauty. She set forth to make a name for herself.
On the opposite side of the world, the demon ascended onto earth's surface taking a human form. He did not have a choice in the matter and it became a he. A man of amazing cunning and wit, but subtle in appearance, which is nature to all demons. He looked down to the pits of the earth and knew that he was being told his answer.
The man looked onto the world with mortal eyes and saw all of its pain and glory. He set forth to make a name for himself.
Ten years pass. The woman was struggling like every other mortal, trying to survive in a world where life is so fragile. But God was with her. She became a successful doctor in a place that knew no peace. She was admired by many, the cause being her amazing talents; but none envied her. She was a good woman.
She healed as many as she could with her God-given gifts. She took no extra money for herself other than to survive, giving the rest to the needy. But she still had troubles.
After several months of petitioning, she was finally able to schedule a meeting with an owner of a large corporation. This owner had the means to provide her and her staff with a desperately needed hospital. This owner was a very meticulous man and did not make profit waste. Yet, God was with the woman and the man eventually agreed not to see her, but to build the hospital.
Two days later the hospital was under fast construction, just in time for an oncoming disaster. She thanked God for His intercession, but He had withdrawn Himself from her. She was alone. She knew it must be a test. Yet she was still troubled.
Likewise, the man had become a very successful businessman. Those who worked with him adored him. He was powerful, he was feared. No one tried to usurp him; all followed his orders precisely. He was the definition of charisma. He was a cunning man.
He took his power and built an empire, giving only to those who submitted to his control. He was in no way a good man, he took more than he could ever use. Yet he was still troubled.
Many came to him for a good cause. For one single moment his mortal heart faltered, compassion filled his eyes. But Satan was with him and soon he decided to go against his good-intention promises. But war distracted him. This war excited him so much that he forgot about anything and everything. He thanked Satan for his intercessions, but for some reason Satan ignored him. He accepted this and focused onto the war.
Even so, the war could not distract him from his internal troubles.
One day among the hustle of multiple emergencies, the woman finally became overwhelmed. She extracted herself from all of her patients and her staff and went to a secluded spot on the roof of the hospital.
God had abandoned her, it seemed, and she could not handle the stress of the mortal life anymore. She sat on the roof with her face buried in her hands, crying with deep sadness.
She looked up into the sky and screamed, "What am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to know?" The screams echoed off the surrounding buildings, and soon were overcome by more sobs.
Without warning, a flash blinded the blue sky. Concussions soon followed. The roar of an explosion erupted the cityscape into a giant plume of smoke.
The woman uncovered her eyes and saw the carnage. Her angel driven beginnings took control and she rushed from the rooftop to go to the smoldering remains. Inside her being, she felt the throb grow stronger.
The man was in despair. He felt no direction anymore. He was surrounded by multitudes of human pain. He saw the missing limbs of children, the rows upon rows of dead bodies. He was responsible. They had the means for this destruction because of him.
The armored vehicle carrying him and his associates quickly became a prison. He shouted at the driver, the driver looked back in confusion and stopped. The man got out and inhaled deep breaths, smelling the salty air. Hands on his knees, the man coughed. He wretched like he never did before.
He was angry. His master had abandoned him. He twirled around and saw the mourning faces surrounding him. All of them staring. All of them mocking him. He ran away from that sight as fast as he could. Not heeding the wreckage of concrete and destruction tearing at his expensive suit.
He found a grassy hill separating two city blocks. He fell down to the ground, hands and knees. He yelled in anger, "What am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to know?" His cries went unheard. In a fury, he punched and kicked the ground. Collapsing finally onto his back, he looked up into the blue sky and closed his eyes.
An explosion tore through the skies. His frail body was flung next to a building. He watched with a mortal confusion, as the walls seemed to cover him up like a blanket. He blinked a few times and then slowly slipped into a black nothing. His being began to throb more so than it ever had.
She saw the man's legs trapped under a concrete slab. His body was hidden from view. Across the street she heard cries of pain, of life. Here she heard nothing, but she felt something.
The man woke up in a gray haze, dust particles floated in and out of the sunlight. He could not feel his body. He breathed slowly and looked around. He felt something inside his being beat faster. It felt like his heart was going into his throat. He did not panic. This was it.
As the woman stepped closer, she felt the throbbing inside grow stronger. Her eyes started to water. Her hands started to shake. This was His answer. She called in a soft voice, "Hello?"
The man's eyes widened. He heard a voice. A voice so pure, it was like listening to a gentle rain. A voice so powerful, it was like listening to a waterfall. He started to tremble, he started to cry. He answered, "I am here."
The woman heard the reply. Her body responded with an ache, an ache that pierced the center of her being. She heard that voice, the voice of need. She ran to the man, looking for a place to peer through the concrete slabs.
The man heard the rushing of soft footsteps. With every step, he became weakened and strengthened at the same time. He looked up into the sunlight passing down to him and waited.
Their eyes met. They finally found their answer.
A forsaken man finds a graced woman. A graced woman finds a forsaken man. This is the story of mortal love.

Questions for all your answers, lies for every truth, but you dont know

2008-12-11T23:52:00.002-05:00

Since no one reads my blog anymore considering how seldom I actually get to post, I shall use my blog to gain personal understanding and for mere self benefit.
I dont know why, but lately I'm losing my sense of assurance on several things. No, not salvation, but everything else. It's a real strong reality check. I'm going to be 18 years old, a legal adult, in less than 5 months. yes. less than 5. and I will be a graduate of Brookland-Cayce High School in less than 6. As in no longer a high school student. Me. Robyn. Robyn Taylor. A college kid. right. that soon? But? How? It jsut doesn't seem real. honestly. how?!?!? I don't want to turn eighteen, i dont want to graduate high school. I dont want to leave home. But I don't wanna be trapped here for college either. I know its inevitable, growing up, but I still don't understand a lot. I like being prepared. Right now, I don't feel very prepared.
Something seemingly random, but constantly nagging my mind for the past hour or so: love.
Okay, so I'm not dating, not going to, and I'm fine with that. I'm happy with that.
But I'm learning that a little bit of emotion is okay? I don't want to lust or anything bad, but what about crushes? I hate seeing girls drool over guys pointlessly. I hate seeing spit run down anyones face for any reason, pointless or not.. Anyway, I don't like the love-goggles that fog up one's vision in a time of vulnerability. Not in high school especially. I used to be all gaga. But I've upped my standards and I've changed, right? Right? Then why is it that silly little crushes still affect me? Why am I not immune to this hormonal craving?
Honestly, yes, I do want prince charming. But I know how rare he is. There's only one for me. I don't know who he is. Or if there is one at all but there is certainly not more than one. So its one or nothing. and im content either way. Each has its pluses and downers. the good, the bad, the ugly. but even so. I feel as though I am required to choose. and at such a young age.. its, overwhelming to say the least. More options than is realized but thats not even the point. Even if Mr. Right walked up to my door and knocked right now, (pauses to listen for footsteps on the porch) which he isnt doing, i couldnt give you a for sure answer as to whether or not i would wait to claim us an item. which is way different from what I've convinced myself. I'm waiting for even giving my thoughts adn time and money and everything to 'the one'. Or so I would like to think. I'm actually wasting a lot of time thinking bout boys. way too much time. but i had it under control. I was doin great. For a long time. But now? whats wrong? did they tap into my brain and figure out some weakness I have yet to discover? All will be revealed in time, but for now, I shall continue to puzzle at this. Why am I suddenly questioning everything I've been taught and have come to stand for and accept?

Wonder How?

2008-11-20T20:26:00.002-05:00

I'm always busy. Sometimes I stop and wonder how it all gets done.
My schedule can often become insane but somehow its always worked out.
The power of prayer.
Stay in His will and He will direct your paths.
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

The same goes if you delight in self or in sin. it too can give you desires.

It comes down to doing the right thing.

Will you turn to self or Christ?
I've had to ask myself that question a lot.
Most of the time I answer correctly, but unfortunately, in my lesser moments I have for whatever reason, trusted in my own ignorant self more than the all knowing one.
When all is said and done, I look back on everything and I know thats exactly where I went wrong.

Late one night..

2008-10-29T14:27:00.003-04:00

God,
you're my strength, my comfort, my rock.
I keep my heart closed while you stand and knock.
The time passes 'til I see your face.
The judgement will come.
Time cannot erase
the mistakes I have made
and the games that I played,
wastin' away,
everyday.
My soul you came to save.
But I just turn away.
I don't want to see
your soveriegnty,
your majesty,
your glory.
It's not for me.
I tell myself inside but I know I cannot hide
from your will and your way,
For your way is perfect
and I know it
but my way seems easy
and your way seems cheesy.
And God, I don't think you're right all the time.
I'll just do what I want and live the good life without you.
Yeah, I know its not true,
but it paints a pretty picture in my mind.
One I want to live for.
Even though it was me you died for.
You died and were raised to save me,
yet how do I repay thee?
I talk like I'm this and act like I'm that.
My life is but a vapor.
It's fading fast. It won't last
but for a moment
and then I'll be gone.
This life won't matter,
these clothes, this hair, it won't matter there.
It's not about being liked, it's about being light.
Being your light for those who are hurting,
for those who are searching.
Shape me and mold me, God.
Take me and hold me.
Make me your creation.
Turn me into who you want me to be.
Let me stand out boldy.
Let me come before your throne, even if I'm alone.
I give you praise all of my days.
Let me serve you an worship you.
God, after all that I've done, you still love me.
That just amazes me.

Current Stati

2008-10-10T22:32:00.005-04:00

I've been extremely busy with my senior year and everything that comes with it. You would not believe how much paper work and online forms must be filled out when applying to the Air Force Academy. The instruction manual for just the basic application is 41 pages! So I've got my hands full with that and JROTCs big inspection that comes once every four years. I'm the battalion commander, the top person in the entire Brookland Cayce High School JROTC unit. I'm working on maintaining all A's this year. Currently I have a 103 in Calculus Honors. In September, I auditioned for Gifted and Talented voice lessons with Tom Brunson and although I did not obtain one of the three openings, I am an alternate. Second best was never my favorite spot to be in but I suppose it's better than nothing. I'm preparing to audition for All State Chorus in November. College applications are not something I've been looking forward to but they must be completed. I'm also studying for my next promotion in Civil Air Patrol. I can promote twice as fast as others because of my JROTC experience. Hopefully I will be going to McEntire Air Base on friday to fly in a C130. Then on Saturday I'll be competing at Swansea High School. It will be the first drill meet of my senior year that I will be able to attend. BC's Drill Team took home first place overall at the competition in September and I'm looking forward to us doing that again. Afterwards, I'll come home, change, and head off to work at Williams-Brice Stadium attempting to sell cotton candy on a pole for 15% profit. If they run out of cotton candy, I'll carry around snow cones and hope I'm fortunate enough to sell them before they become koolaid. Sunday morning I'll get up early and run for twenty minutes, just like every day, shower, and get ready for church. Everyday I'm practicing speaking. I'm supposed to be less meek. I need to speak up for myself; something I'm not particularly good at. Practice makes perfect. I can do this. I will do this. I will excel beyond anyone's imagination. I want this bad enough to train and prepare as much and as hard as I have to.

The Product of Mental Activity

2008-09-04T21:42:00.004-04:00

I'm not exactly sure why it is that I only post on here at times when I should be snoozing. It's my senior year of high school; my 12th and final year of tax-dollar funded public education. Life is never the same. Every task, every situation that comes your way is different. It's always different. Not necessarily because the circumstance itself is completely unfamiliar, but most of the time it is different because we are different in comparison to who we once were. After each difficulty, we change. We grow. We learn. Most of the time anyway. Everyone is developing daily into something new. Yes, we retain most of who we are, who we originally were, but a little piece of us has been added or altered in some way. The affect one individual can have on another just amazes me. The power of a single word or phrase can be incomprehensible. I'm beginning to see just how much of an affect I can have on others. Everything about me sends out a message to others. The words I say, the way I carry myself, etc. They all come together to form me. At least one version of me. The one that others know about, or at least leads them to believe they think they do. There's another part of me locked away down deep inside. Sure, some people who know me extremely well know a little bit about that girl, but they only know as much as I let them know. There is only one who truly knows me. That is what defines me. Not this shell, my appearance. Not just the little bit of me that a few come to know, but the most inner part of me. Just because it's hidden doesn't mean it's all bad, but it probably isn't all good either. It is who I am. Only God knows all of me. I can alter my demeanor but who I am can still remain the same.
That being said, other people's outward actions and reactions can affect us and change us if we want it to. We can decide to become a little different than what we were before. No one is perfect so everyone can be improved upon, the problem lies in knowing what to change and how to change it.
God's word has helped me out a lot with that problem.
A lot of people try to defend some of the things they do(believing they are in the wrong) by saying "Well the Bible doesn't say anything about_____." You'd be surprised at what all the Bible does talk about. It really does have the answers for everything. You just have to take the time to look into it and find out for your self. I did. And I'm better because of it. Not perfect, just growing.

Dumb Blonde Jokes

2008-08-20T18:18:00.003-04:00

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the Zamboni machine.

-Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

-A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

-A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she had locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, the blonde asks the attendant for a coat hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself.
She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blonde is faring. The blonde outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around.
Meanwhile, the blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left. A little more to the right ... "

-A dumb blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"OH, NO!" exclaimed the blonde.
But Saint Peter said not to worry, because he would make it an easy test. "Who was God's son?" asked Saint Peter.
The dumb blonde thought for a few minutes and replied, "Andy."
"Andy? That's interesting. What made you say that?" inquired Saint Peter.
Then the blonde started to sing, "Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me..."

-Returning home from work, a young blonde woman was shocked to find that her house had been ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash. The blonde woman ran out on the porch and shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog.
Then she sat down on the steps, put her face in her hands and moaned, "I came home to find all my possessions stolen. I called the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!"

Graceful Stepping

2008-08-16T00:20:00.002-04:00

Life is like a dance.
The man is supposed to lead; to invite the woman to join him.
The woman is to follow but it is her decision to accept or reject the offer made unto her.
If he is willing to ask and she is willing to accept, then the two become one, sweeping, twirling, flowing across the dance floor.
No one is perfect.
There will be toes occasionally stepped on, stumbles here and there,
but each individual has the power to control the outcome of every situation. Continue on gracefully, work out the kinks, seek revenge for the ill fated mistakes, or end the dance then and there.
It is a stroll, a walk in the park if you will. When one chooses to go forward, he or she also decides whether or not to go it alone.

The Problem with Problems

2008-08-12T16:46:00.003-04:00

I often worry about my problems. Most people do. It's especially a bad thing when I do. Everybody's got problems. Some run from them, or at least try to. My problem with problems is that instead of solving it, rather than run from it, I sit there and look at it. I pick it up, analyze it like crazy. I put it down and look at it from a different angle, come up with all kinds of theories of where it came from and why it's here now. Then I gawk at it and the fact that it's attached to me and I am the sole individual who must deal with it. I don't like it. I want to rid myself of it. But I don't. Not that I don't try to. I try to get around it. This ball and chain just sits there weighing down on me, hindering me from what I want to do what I need to do, and I want it off. I know I've got other things to do and it will be much harder with that extra weight. I think I can just drag it around and still accomplish everything with it right there beside me. I don't get very far. So I get frustrated with it. Yell at it, kick it, it's still there, unscathed. As for my poor foot however, it suffered in the end. I didn't actually do anything helpful, I just hurt myself more. This year I will be a senior in high school which means college is right around the corner. 4 years of independence. I want to grow throughout that length of time into someone much better than I am today. I will. But it starts now.

Pictures

2008-08-08T20:31:00.007-04:00

Over the summer I have attended five-one week camps. Unfortunately, my camera disappeared after the first one. It was not until the day I left for my final full week away from home that it made its long overdue reunion with its rightful-not to mention relieved-owner. There are about five separate posts from two camps (one from the first and four from the most recent) on my photoblog. A link to it can be found at the top of my blog list on the right side of this page, but because I am so kind I shall give you another link right on this post. I do hope you check the pictures out so long as you don't criticize my elementary photography skills. Below is a video I took of me on the Land Trolley at The Wilds, a Christian camp in Brevard, NC. The photoblog link, as promised, is just under it. Just click on the camera(which happens to look exactly like mine..) it will take you right to the pictures. Enjoy!

Why Ask Why?

2008-08-02T19:57:00.001-04:00

People want to know who God is and why He does the things He does. They question something so much greater than themselves. They want to know which faith is right and why its right and how it came to be. How can you explain faith? You can only do so much to attempt to prove faith and why it exists. We see how situations affect us, we want to know why this is happening to us when in reality, we are not the only ones who are being affected. It's just like a human to assume that it is all about us. Why did I lose my job? Why did my son die? Why did my car get stolen? Stop and look at what happened to you and you will see that there are other people involved in each story of your life. What about the person who stole the car? What about the boss who let you go? What about the person who filled you position? What about your spouse, also a parent of your child? Or other children who were brothers and sisters to your child? That same God that you curse for taking away what was not yours in the first place is the God that is working in others' lives who saw the same thing happen to them. Maybe it was what they needed to go through so that they would come to know Him.

Essay from YLC

2008-07-18T14:40:00.002-04:00

Born in Atchison, Kansas on July 24, 1897, Amelia Earhart became one of the most widely known pilots that ever lived. Her father took her to an air fair in Toronto when she was young. One of his friends let her go up in his plane and from that very moment, Amelia Earhart knew she would one day become a pilot. As she grew and matured, she never lost sight of her dreams. Flight schools in the United States refused to teach her, so she left for a flight school in France. The flight lessons were extremely expensive. She diligently worked several jobs including photographer, stenographer, truck driver, and others to pay for her pricey lessons. On January 3, 1921, Earhart was able to take her first flying lesson. She went on to be the first female to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean, and then set a goal to fly all the way around the world. The first attempt was unsuccessful do to a faulty aircraft. Although she encountered setbacks, she tried again. When Amelia and her copilot had flown over 22,000 miles, they began to experience radio problems. It is believed that their antenna may have broken off. The Elctra 10E they were flying was low on fuel adn they missed the island where they had planned to land by a mere 5 miles. They were only 4,500 miles from completing the global trip. At 8:43 am on July 2, 1937, Earhart sent a message in morse code to a Coast Guard ship saying they were running low on fuel and were going to try to communicate on another radio channel. She would not be heard from again. The Coast Guard searched 150,000 square miles for any sign of Amelia. 4 million dollars went towards search and rescue efforts with no findings. It was the most extensive search ever conducted up to that point in time.
It was George Washington who said, "It should be the highest ambition of every American to extend his views beyond himself, and to bear in mind that his conduct will not only affect himself, his country, and his immediate posterity; but that its influence my be co-extensive with the world, and stamp political happiness or misery on ages yet unborn." Amelia Earhart becam a fantastic leader because of the decisions she made. Her ambition has in fact impacted ages that were yet unborn in her lifetime. In order to be a leader, one must first be a follower. She decided to follow in the footsteps of her father and his friend. The most important trait, which helped bring about her role as a leader, is perseverance. No matter what happened to her, she continued to press toward her ambitions. She believed in herself and did not give up. Everytime an obstacle appeared in her way, it had the opportunity to take away whatever dreams she had worked towards. Some of these "brick walls" she had to face were rejections, high cost, and unsuccessful attempts among other things. In spite of it all she kept going. As Randy Pausch says, "Brick walls are there for a reason: They let you prove how much you want something."
The key to being a leader is having leadership. According to the Army Junior ROTC Unit 1 manual, leadership is the ability to influence, lead or guide others to accomplish a mission in the manner desired by using purpose, direction, and motivation. Amelia has and will continue to be a leader. She has given people a purpose, a reason to go out and do something. That purpose is to make a place in this world for yourself. Find something you love doing and go do it to the best of your ability. She has influenced me to set goals and try my best to accomplish them. She has given the world knowledge, mainly women, that it is possible for them to be independent thinkers and independent in general. Most importantly, she has given us all motivation, the will to do something you are already capapable of. She made a great sacrifice. She was going to accomplish her dreams no matter what the cost. That is what separates the ordinary from the extraoridary. Using the ability to stand firmly for what you believe in to lead the way for others to do the same.

Live to Ride, Ride to Live

2008-07-02T16:22:00.002-04:00

I love how you can go around waiting hand and foot on your girlfriend. Oh how much you care about her. Just peachy. I'm gonna be gone soon. I won't be seeing you for a while. I love you so much, but you just want to ignore me. I figured I would help you out. Instead of pretending I'm not there, how about I just go ahead and leave? That would make it easier for everyone. I don't mind her, but I don't like her. I want to spend time with you. I want you to want to spend time with me. You say you love me and that I'm number one in your life because I'm your little girl, but then I hear your Harley start up and I know the truth. Even if you don't. I yell at you, I get mad at you. Have you ever stopped and thought of why? Why am I so upset? Perhaps I'm hurting. Deep down inside. You make time for what you love most and you certainly don't complain about it. You spring at the chance to please her. You do things you know you shouldn't. But you want to be around her. You gripe and complain about how much gas costs when I say I need a ride to this event or that. But then when you see a biker pin or patch online that says Harley Davidson, no complaints are heard out of your mouth. Do you feel regretful at all inside for spending over a hundred dollars on that new seat for your ride? Certainly not. For it would have cost you over two hundred more otherwise. And yet, when I inform you of pricey senior portraits, you cringe at the twenty dollar sitting cost. I understand you aren't made of money. I know things are tight right now. More so than usual. I know interests are high and you have taxes and bills and so many other money-eating transactions. I know that workmen's compensation doesn't pay all that great. I just figure if you can afford the little luxuries for your bike and your girl, then why is it that I can't afford the $25 for Civil Air Patrol, or the $10 for a school chorus shirt, or a yearbook from my senior year in high school. Not to mention my cap and gown that are REQUIRED for me to walk at the graduation ceremony. 100 bucks. Not including invites. Oh, wait, I don't believe I'll be getting those. And prom? Hmm, we'll see. That should be interesting. We've both gone through all kinds of stuff in life. Granted, your life has been much longer than mine and from a very different point of view. But even so, our lives now are together and I feel that we should be working together to get through the hardships, not tearing each other down. I don't want to hurt you, and I know you certainly don't want to hurt me, but with the way things have gone, I think its best if I just stayed away for the rest of summer. People see me as a good teenager, but you know how I really am. I long for your approval. Your praise is lacking in the area of enthusiasm. I've worked so hard at different things. I get awards that took so much time and effort. But you're not there when I recieve them. And if you are, it doesn't mean near as much to you. You'd rather be riding. You'd rather be playing you're guitar. Yet there you are in the audience. Physically. But your mind is elsewhere, your heart is elsewhere, your future is elsewhere. I honestly do not believe that we can ever be together cooperatively. For when it is just me and you in one house hold, you are depressed and longing for more. When you have that longing fulfilled such as now while we live with your girlfriend, you are a much happier person, but you arent around me. My options have been proven to be 1)have you around, but dreary or 2)have you happy and enjoying life, but distant. Neither of which do I wish for. You say you want me to be happy. I want you to want to spend time with me. Unfortunately, that is just not possible. Maybe one day I can come to realize and accept that. Until then, I will probably continue to be upset and disappointed.

Impatient Imperfection

2008-06-30T15:24:00.004-04:00

While on the USS Yorktown, we were given an opportunity to write an essay on an individual we consider to be a leader. The author of the essay selected as the best was given one hundred dollars (I did not say the author of the best essay because I did not get to read all of them, so the one that was chosen may have not been the overall best, but rather the favorite). It was not required but I wrote one anyway. Can you blame me? All I have to do is write 500 words or less about leadership qualities and I'll have a shot at a hundred bucks? You bet I'm in. Mine was about Amelia Earhart. It was not chosen (I did not pass GO) and I did not receive (collect) one hundred dollars. I did, however, write an essay that I was proud of. They told me I would get my essay back. I have yet to acquire it. Once it is in my possession, I will post in on here. For now, I have this:

I try hard, but I fail miserably.
I used to want to quit, but the fact that my dreams are almost unattainable pushes me that much harder to get there.
Even if others talents and accomplishments surpass mine, I will feel more successful if I have done my best and they have not. How sad to have done so much and yet leave the world and its people at a loss because you only gave ten percent. Just think of what would be different if you gave that other 90 percent which has already wasted away into nothingness. How much better could it be? If only one tenth of your capability can benefit several individuals, is it not worth that extra effort for several more? What price will you pay? For your rewards are much greater than their cost.

Congradtulations

2008-06-29T12:39:00.002-04:00

The English language is one that I have a lot of trouble with even though it is the only one I speak fluently. The fact that many English teachers don't know all the rules so they can't teach them could be one cause of this problem. With that being said, I have had success in one part of that course. Spelling has always been a strength of mine. I'm a great speller compared to most people. If I see a word, I can usually remember the letters used to form it and the order they are in. Misspelled words annoy me. The church bulletin from today has a note at the bottom on the inside that reads, "Congradtulations to Travis and Amber Chaney on the birth of their son, Parker, born on Tuesday. Please pray for this young family." I'll be sure to remember to pray for them. And wish them "Congradtulations". Now I know Microsoft word has a decent spellcheck program that, although it may not catch every error, surely it would have pointed out this type of mistake. I personally think that whoever writes the mini articles could not decide whether that word is spelled with a "d" or a "t" so they figured if they just put both, one of them has to be right. Three notices above that one, there is a mention of a recent wedding. It begins with the word, "Congratulations". I hope that my assumption is incorrect and the error was merely a slip-of-the-hand typo rather than one individual's ignorance. If someone really does not know how to spell, they do make dictionaries. Or the earlier notice could have been read over. Just a thought.

Out of The Mouth of Babes

2008-06-15T22:46:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I will leave for JCLC Carolina, a camp held at Fort Jackson for JROTC cadets like myself. The stay was only supposed to last until friday but I received a letter in the mail this past Sunday informing me that the dates would be June 16th-June 22nd. Monday through Sunday. This is most unfortunate for me because it means having to miss Patriotic Sunday at my church. Instead of rambling about how stupid it is to hold a camp that takes up the most common time church services are held in the area, I will leave you with a recap of my five days of Junior Camp this past week.
Junior Camp is a camp that my church holds every summer for kids going into 3rd-7th grade. I was an assistant counselor as well as a worker/helper. So much has happened this week that I know I have forgotten a lot and I won't have all of the memories recorded, but I will hold on to the lessons learned and decisions made. The night before I left for camp, I was completely distraught. I was crying and praying to God to take me out of a situation similar to one in my past that He removed me from. Other people's bad choices were affecting me and it had gotten to a point where I just felt that I could not handle it anymore. I prayed that the kids at camp would understand that their decisions don't just affect them.
My stuff was packed up and ready to go on Monday morning. I headed to the church to help sign in the kids and get lunch ready for later that day. Little did I know that all the running around I was doing then could not compare to how much work was ahead of me. I began to get nervous on the bus ride there. How can I take care of so many kids? What if I mess up? I wanted to be a positive influence on the kids and somehow impact their lives. I made up my mind before unloading the luggage on the campgrounds that I was going to try my best to not ask anyone to do anything for me, keep my stuff neat, never be rude to a child(or anyone for that matter), and help out in anyway possible.
While the campers were being divided into groups, I helped out in the kitchen preparing lunch for over 100 people. It still surprises me that we were always able to have everything ready for meals when everyone arrived at the cafeteria and had enough food for people to have seconds every time. The first time in the kitchen was actually the easiest because we had made the sandwiches before we left from the church. From then on, everything was prepared right before it was served, which I thought to be a near impossible task, but somehow it always worked out.
Later that night we had a chapel service with a message on choices. After chapel we always played a game that all the campers could get involved in. The first night was Alien Invaders. Campers waited at one end of the camp ground while counselors hid in the woods. The kids had to make it to the chapel porch before they got tagged. I went to help prepare snacks. After snack time was counselor corner. We had the kids sit in a group in our cabin and each night a different counselor spoke. The next morning everyone was supposed to wake up, but that proved to be a difficult task considering half of the group had stayed up extra late to talk to each other. We had cabin clean up time, quiet Bible reading time, and then off to breakfast. After breakfast, the cleanest cabin would be announced and that cabin would get served food first for the next 24 hours. After breakfast they had to attend a morning chapel service(which left me time to do most of the unfinished cleaning). Team competition changed everyday and lasted long enough for almost everyone to play two games each. They had lunch later on and after lunch was swim time for girls and individual competition for the boys. Then they switched. Supper would be ready by the time they were done. An hour was set aside after supper everyday for free time, and if the kids wanted bonus points for their teams, all of them could attend choir for the last half of free time. Right after choir was the game, then snacks, and counselor corner again.
That was the routine for the week.
My experience was much deeper than a mere routine. I was always busy doing something whether it was watching the kids at swim time, helping out with competitions, making the food, distributing it, cleaning up the cabin(which was never 100% until everyone left and the counselors completely cleaned it out), or helping in the snack shop. Even while working, I still found time to spend with the kids. I learned most of their names. I learned how to not just deal with, but actually communicate with the kids who were always whining or would not pay attention. I gained so much experience by being around them and just talking with them.
The second night, I had been thinking about my situation back home and how upset I had been. I honestly had lost faith that one person in particular could ever be saved. How hypocritical of me, right? I consider myself as having an extremely large amount of faith and trust in God in all things and yet I didn't think He could ever save this person. Nor would this person ever turn to Him anyway. But the second night at camp, the little girl in the bunk next to me randomly began to tell me about King Ahab and that he was the most evil king ever and he got saved. I really needed that story then more than ever and I still can't believe it came from the mouth of a child. It really proved to me that God can use anything. He is there and He cares more than you know.

Fort Jackson Summer Camp June, 2007

2008-06-15T22:45:00.001-04:00

Last year I went to Fort Jackson for JCLC Carolina. It's a camp that I was able to attend through the Junior ROTC program at my school. I had so much fun there and did really well in the competitions, so my instructors decided I should go again this year. I will be leaving on June 16th and will be there until the 20th. This year I will come back with many pictures and stories. Here's what I brought back from last year's experiences.

The following are the actual journal entries I kept with the exception of the italicized print in parentheses which were added later as my commentary.

Day 1, Monday June 11:

We showed up at camp before most other schools. our cabin was open but we didn't know it so we sat outside for like 5 hours. when we went in, i unpacked some of my stuff and ppl continuously got moved around. i thankfully stayed at the bed and locker i started with. i met a few ppl. got Fire Watch and Clean up lists together and then had to redo them three times b/c the STUPID chaperone didn't know what to do. omg. so gay. read my bible. took a cold shower at 10 pm-lights out. and did fire watch for an hour and a half.(basically all you do is pace back and forth in the barracks w/ a flash light) then passed out. -Byrd

Day 2, Tuesday June 12:

We're getting fussed at by the "chaperones". This is all BS. W/e. Today i did the wall repel. twice. It was pretty cool. (i started out wrong both times and ended up hitting the wall at the top the first time and flipping upside down 30sumthin feet in the air the second time and got up, well, i was parallel to the ground, and repelled down like a pro the rest of the way) Then I did this 10 Station thing answering all kinds of questions and stuff. I think I did pretty good.(it tested a lot of military knowledge) Then we hiked all the way back and ate lunch.(it was the longest walk i have ever taken. and after lunch we had to go all the way back) I called so many cadences. :) I had to carry the flag a couple of times. (the "guide-arms-bearer" who i called flag boy, disappeared for a little while and i grabbed the flag because we had to have someone carry it.) Next- Land Nav. I did compass. We did everything perfect, but we didn't have our directions.(i used the compass in a group of 4. one guy went up ahead to scout for any markers, points we were supposed to find and two people trailed behind counting steps. we went exactly where we were supposed to go but our first point did not have any directions for our group so we used another group's directions and it led us straight to the exit) Me and Poteat have gotten a lot closer now.(My, shall we say, interest while at camp. he seemed to like me as well.) I met Logan and Will.(Logan had been in a leadership position the day before so i had seen him around adn i had heard of will through Poteat.) I saw some Airport ppl too. (they were in the other company so i almost never got to see them)We also did a couple different tests.( i did very well :))Me and Poteat sat by each other at this Math and Science thing.(we made one sided pieces of paper and battery powered cars. tipper adn Poteat had the fastest car there and me and my partner dude had a retarded spastic car that merely twitched and wouldn't go anywhere) I know things wont work out-NC- but I'm worrying anyway.(Poteat's from a school in NC) Magan and Kristina were flirting w/ him i think.(2 of the girls in my cabin) But what about Aaron?( a guy i kinda like(d) that goes to my school) I might get my hair done tomorrow. :)( a lot of the black girls were doing other girls hair and i wanted mine done so it wouldn't keep going in my face) -Byrd

Day 3, Wednesday June 13:

We were supposed to go to sleep at 9 and its after 10.(while i was writing this obviously)We picked Drill Team members this morning. We wont do well because we don't know what we're gonna do. I got to call cadences. again.We fired a simulation like i did before.(I did that once before at the front of ft Jackson) I did pretty good. Poteat and Magan seemed to hang around each other a lot. I got jealous. We did like video game shooting. I drove a hummer thing and killed Poteat more than once.(in the game obviously) :) and didn't know it was him until after the game was over and we had gone outside. Got a little sunburned.(it looked like blush) Did the biathlon. (where you have to run and then do marksmanship. 3 stations, 5 rounds at each station and 3 targets. biggest about size of baseball worth 1 pt for hitting it, middle target size of 50 cent piece 3pts for hitting, and small target size of a quarter 5 pts.) I had some asthma problems but I was alright. I did really good. my score was 30 total. 5pts(station 1), 14pts(station 2), 11pts(station 3). Top score I heard was 55. I took 30 minutes though. We ate and then went canoeing. Me and Poteat were selected to be the demonstrators. it was fun. and funny.:)I asked him if he and Magan were talking. He didn't know what I meant. He says he kinda does like her. She is pretty. At supper, right after drill, Magan said she doesn't like him like that. She wants me to tell him i like him. NO WAY!! Zach Scheper had a seizure yesterday.(While i was writing i realized that i didn't record that the day before so i stuck it in there randomly. as i tend to things. i had just gotten down off of the repel tower for the second time and was walking away when i heard a man yell from behind me. i turned around and saw a boy having a seizure. i stepped closer to see who it was and found out it was Zach. the only other person from BCHS in my grade. everyone else was a year below us. the adults sent the kids away from the area and towards the bleachers. 1SGt Mitchell asked if anyone knew the kid and if anyone went to his school. i told him i did so he called me over there by Zach while the medics were taking care of him and i had to answer all these questions. when we were through and they loaded Zach into the ambulance, i went to walk away and i started having an asthma attack. thankfully i had my inhaler. that was only the third time in my life I've had an asthma attack when i wasn't running.)Oh, canoe, we had a race and me and Poteat would have won, but I burned myself out at practice. (we came in third)On the way back from canoeing, I tripped and stumbled so much! (I later found bruises everywhere) Poteat let me have some of his water because mine was empty. Back at the barracks at night i was reading my Bible and a girl wanted to read w/ me. we ended up praying with Jazmine(my friend in the top bunk next to me.)Then I prayed w/ a group of about 10. wow. I got to use a phone to call my daddy today. and i think were doing ropes course tomorrow. I miss Poteat. Met Etta and April and played w/ my poof ball pillow w/ Jazmine. :) -Byrd

Day 4, Thursday June 14:

Supposed to be company 1SGt. Brittany Glover got it. I missed board meeting.(i was selected for it which says a lot. the board meeting is the only way you could become an honor cadet and even have a high rank in the battalion. I didn't know i was selected to go until the next morning when the meeting was already over and they already had their ppl.) Am up for Iron Woman tomorrow.... go figure. Did high ropes.( so awesome. climb up a wooden pole by the staples sticking out. go across a rope bridge. then you have a cable above you and one beneath your feet. go across that and you come to a cable under your feet and ropes hanging down that you have to reach out to. next you walk across a pole. then its the most fun part. the zip line.)Got pep talked by Magan.(she kept telling me to tell Poteat that i liked him and i tried to tell her he liked her not me.) Ate. Got told not to tell him.(she talked to him at chow and he said he wouldn't try to start a relationship w/ n e 1 at camp because it wouldn't work, long distance) Did leadership challenge. (We were awesome)1st Squad.(I yelled 'what squad are we?' and they answered "first squad" over and over :)) Teamwork. ( hands in. 1-2-3- TEAMWORK!)We cool.(everyone got a nickname: Spiderman, Goldilocks, Spotter Boy, Flag Boy, Teddy Bear, Big Boy, Cap, Flag Boy, Crackhead, Pretty Boy, and Brookland Cayce-me.) Ate. Talked w/ 1SGt Mitchell at chow. Did drill.(it was so-so) Got stressed. Cried. Went to nurse.(Leila from airport was there and she hugged me and i cried on her shoulder. She so has cool points.) -Byrd

Day 5, Friday June 15:

Woke up. Formed up. Did drill practice.(once again, still so-so) ate. Drill Competition.(we messed up so bad) changed(into pt uniform). hung out w/ Magan. Did Iron Woman: 4 push-ups, 26 sit-ups, 9:00 on mile run.(minute faster than ive ever done. it rained when we lined up on the starting line. I never stopped and never walked. i got my breathing under control while running. never been able to do that before.) Came in last overall. but gave it my all.(everybody was cheering for me when i crossed that finish line) Didnt get an award at awards ceremony. I got first place in knockout in front of almost whole camp.(some ppl ,including Poteat and my friend Lexis, were doing water balloon toss outside.) At the end, ppl w/ talents went up.(i wanted to go up there. i sing. i went up. i didn't know what song. when i picked my song, i asked the Major in charge if i could go last and that it was important. he said yeah and b4 i went he told every body to form up. he anounced taht a young lady wanted to sing the national anthem.) I sang Star Spangled Banner In FRONT of EVERYBODY.( my first solo ever. I've always wanted to sing teh national anthem to a crowd.) I love this camp. EVERYBODY was cheering so loudly!(all night and even the next day ppl were telling me how good it was. it was a tear jerker for me.) -Byrd

Day 6, Saturday June 16:

At 3:17 in the morning, SGt Bennet woke all the girls on my side of the barricks up because one girl stopped fire watch early. we were all yelled at and threatened and i had fire watch at 4:30 til 5:30. i also had to do clean up. adn have all of my stuff packed and on the bus before formation which i had to be in by 5:55. so every time i walked by my locker i would change an article of clothing or pack sumthing so i wouldnt get in trouble for not doing fire watch. after clean up i got a bunch of ppls numbers and email addresses. then we had to go do graduation. i could see my dad from where i was standing. after we marched off teh field, i gave so many hugs to all teh other cadets that i knew i would soon be missing so much. i had everything about camp stuck in my head the rest of the day adn into the night. marching cadences, etc. i was on the phone w/ James until like 11:30 when we were both getting really tired so we called it a night. -Byrd

Tagged

2008-06-08T21:06:00.000-04:00

I will be leaving in the morning to be a counselor at Junior Camp.

Link the person(s) who tagged you
Mention the rules on your blog
Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them (or 5)
Leave a comment on each of the tagged bloggers' blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

I was tagged by J. at I'm Having A Thought Here.

See Rules above.

1)I cannot stand repetition in a conversation.
2)I am obsessed with numbers and patterns. They are in Everything.
3)If it sparkles, I like it.
4)I become extremely nauseous when I know someone is lying to me.
5)I get terrified at the mere sight of any form of cockroaches but I can handle any other bugs.
6)When I meet someone I almost always see either their potential or their past.

Junebug
It's A Funny Thing
Kitchen Table Medicine
Nehemiah
Jessieh Speaks

When I return, I will let you know how feels to be a teenager spending a week in a two-room cabin with a bunch of elementary school kids. And what happens while there. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week.

Here's To You

2008-06-04T14:31:00.001-04:00

There are few individuals that cease to amuse me. One of whom is a woman I recently came to know quite well. We have had similar experiences although she has had many more than I. I'm finally taking the time to brag on her a bit seeing as how I've wanted to post something about her for a while now. Although there are times words just can't quite explain everything, I shall try. She's a huge source of my encouragement and motivation, a true woman who is deeply beautiful in so many ways and I'm so thankful that I've been able to grow closer to her. I have learned so much from watching and listening to her and seeing the mother in her, the wife, the lady, the girl. As I still have more growing up to do, I'm paying attention to others and their choices along with the effects of their past actions. I'm being influenced by so much and I'm so glad that one of my strongest influences is right there when I need her. No one is perfect, but this person seems to strive harder than many I know. Her unwavering beliefs and utmost dedication to the important things in life push me to strive for better than what I previously settled for. She is my inspiration for starting this blog, which is no where near as interesting as hers, but it's a start. She has dreams of becoming a writer and I have no doubt those dreams will be accomplished soon enough. She loves, works, and thrives. It leaves me amazed. Her and her husband (they are the sweetest, most in love couple I have ever known), have raised 4 brilliant children
all seeking to please Christ. Johnny Depp is another love of hers and it is because of her fascination that I came to see him for more than just Captain Jack. I now can appreciate him as the marvelous actor and legendary man he is.
So thank you for all you have taught me. I have gained so much as a result of our friendship and none of it will be forgotten. Neither will you.

La Beaute

2008-05-19T17:22:00.000-04:00

What is love? What is beauty? The answers pour down from the sky like melting clouds flowing onto the terrestrial sphere we inhabit. Beauty is become a stereotype, a landmark a free pass, rather than something to be enjoyed and cherished. We devour it, rip it at the flesh. Grinding the very meaning of it to minuscule bits. The remnants left to be observed and broken down even finer. What joy does that indeed bring us? The measly worthless beings who strut about as though we actually know our worth. Wisdom cries out. It begs to be heard by those mortal ears, yet so few will hearken to its voice. No time must be wasted on listening, oh no. No to wisdom. No to truth. Only draw nearer to the self fulfillment, moving forward always. No stopping to think about the decisions to be made nor to the consequences being faced but only looking at the desired outcome.
Beauty rests. It mingles. It dances and flows. It does not strive to break other things apart. beauty is the light seen after the darkness, or perhaps the darkness seen after the light. It is the connection between the individual and the object of an individuals decision. It is found in sight, through colors and shapes. In taste according to sensation and flavor. In audible form through music by one connecting with the sounds heard. The beat becomes pulse, the notes as a river carrying the imagination along, drifting. The listener establishing a connection to the words as they become their own by singing aloud.
It is all around us and it thrives on perception for that is its creator. The human mind decides what is worthy of its own attention. Through this, beauty becomes a tool with which all operate daily.
For some, beauty is all around; others, tis rare.
Everything contains it, but each person's choice whether to seek it out.

Unexpected Blessings

2008-05-10T12:48:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, me and a some friends from school were at the mall hanging out for my birthday. We were sitting down at the four or five tables pushed together by the guys. Everyone had food in front of them(except for me, I was about to go out to eat with the Partlows) and we bowed our heads, most of us held hands, and prayed for the meal. After we, well, they started eating and some conversation began, one of the workers at the mall who had been cleaning some nearby tables walked up to us and told us how great it is to see a group of young people praying and serving the Lord. We talked with him for a little while before he went back to cleaning, but I will never forget that. He said he would be praying for all of us and for God to bless each of us.
God is great.

Let's All Learn Something

2008-05-08T17:23:00.000-04:00

I just dont wanna do this anymore
How much of an idiot can people be?
Be who you are but dont mind change,
Don't lie to people, don't pretend.
If youre a whore, youre a whore,
you need to change.
If youre a jerk, youre a jerk
and you need to change.
People, just because you change something about yourself doesnt mean that youre a different person altogether.

You can fix things about yourself that are bad and become a better you.
So do it.

I am so sick of people not wanting to make a change from bad to good.

That is so Stupid!
Improving oneself is what life is for.
You make mistakes and learn from them
not, make a mistake over and over and over. you CHANGE. you Grow. you learn.
DUH!
Come on teenagers! Get with the program. No wonder people say the world is corrupt today.
People don't want to solve their problems, they want to wallow in them like pigs in filth!
GROSS!
Get a life! or at least deal with the one you already have.

It's time to wake up.

Remember.

2008-04-29T19:15:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you cant trust people.

Sometimes you cant trust yourself.

Emotions fool you
friends decieve
enemies change.

The world still goes 'round.
You make promises you know you'll never keep.
But then you do

and it makes you wonder..
What is it that makes this world so easily contradictory?
What is it that makes the ones we love the most so easily taken from us?
How long do we go on in this world without learning from the mistakes we make time after time?
What makes things worth believing in?
We assign a value to everything, be it great or small. It's there.

Some people just tend to come with a higher cost than others.
In our minds at least.
But in reality, we're all equal.

2008-04-27T22:59:00.000-04:00

Friends are amazing. I'm so glad God has put the people I now love in my life. I would not be as happy in this dark and dismal world. I would not focus on God like I do. No one is perfect, so I still struggle a lot.
My cousin attempted suicide yesterday. I am mad at him, and his friends and his parents. Basically anyone in his life that has or could have had an affect on him. This includes me. He is obviously searching for something. He's had fame, girls, money, cars, etc. But then he goes and cuts himself and winds up in the hospital.. go figure. He needs Christ. God is all. He is everything you need. I just want Chance to see that before its too late. What if he does this again and does not live through it?

Who let the dog out?

2008-04-26T13:10:00.000-04:00

As I was sitting at the computer reading the blog posts of others, I heard the voices of the parentals in the living room. They were telling the dog to "put that down. That's not a toy!" The fear in their voices made me think they just might need some help getting whatever it is away from Piper, the rottweiler. I entered the room not knowing what to expect and finding the situation to be calm. Apparently, Dad had taken Roxy, our quaker parrot, out of his cage. The bird lifted off his hand and began to fly around the room as he usually does, probably to stretch out his wings. Piper got all excited at this, thinking that Roxy flying from his hands had been Dad throwing one of her many toys. She jumped up from where she lay and fixed her eyes on what she thought to be an airborne object. To make matters worse, Roxy landed on the floor, something he hardly ever does. He usually returns to my father's hand to be placed once again in his cage. But this time he landed right next to Piper. The dog, still believing Roxy is a toy, turned to pick it/him up in her mouth and carry it/him to my dad triumphantly. When Joyce(Dad's girlfriend and owner of Piper) saw this, she reprimanded Piper and attempted to get Roxy safely away from the dumbfounded canine.
In both the theater and life, all's well that ends well.

2008-04-23T18:34:00.000-04:00

I sometimes still hate my mom.
when i get dressed up, I think I'm a lot prettier than I really am.
i read for the fun of it.
i dont like going to class.
homework is a waste of time.
im really lazy.
i planned out how to kill myself and for my mom to find me.
i was eight years old.
in my mind, she deserved it.
i never again will ever attempt, or even truly consider taking my own life.
i love some people more than they will ever know.
but i dont believe in love at first sight.
or being "in love".
you can love someone and they love you. truly. but not the whole mushy warm fuzzy thing.
that doesnt always last.
love is not merely an emotion as people have diluted it down to be. its more like a commitment.
marriage is like a contract saying i not only want to, but will live with you forever to the day i die. the two become one flesh. you cant go into a relationship thinking solely on the relationship because then other factors of your life will affect it somehow. thats why hardly any of them last anymore.
why cant people realize that yes, they fail. and when they fail, they dont need to just sit on their butts. they need to get up and try again if they want to get anywhere. but they should already realize if they try to do whatever it is on their own, then they will just fail again. but if they turn to God, who is almighty, omnipotent, and omniscient, they probably, im just guessing would do at least a little bit better facing the task at hand with Him on their side rather than them going at it alone. right?
just wondering.